Valentine’s Day
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Match.com released a new survey this week says the ideal date is 2 1/2 hours long. Which is perfect, that’s how long it takes to play my harmonica set list.
Match.com also said taking a girl out for sushi will make her 170% more likely to go on a 2nd date. It’s amazing how turned on girls get by a $40 plate of raw eel.
Match.com also said that 60% of single people prefer evening dates, meaning 40% of single people are unemployed.
“You’d think our math degrees would’ve landed us steady employment.”
Presidential election voting has kicked off with the primaries in Iowa and New Hampshire. I always feel like the primaries are like Men’s World Cup soccer. Four years of buildup, and America never wins.
Voting results so far have been very close. Experts are saying that the outcome of this election will come down to voter turnout and whoever can suppress it the most.
This week Donald Trump was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. When he heard he wasn’t a favorite to win he blamed Ted Cruz for cheating.
This week presidential candidate Marco Rubio cracked a tooth while eating a Twix bar. Other candidates were worried and had a few questions about the incident. Let’s take a look at a few of those questions.
Jeb Bush: “Are you okay?”
John Kasich: “Are you still in pain?”
Chris Christie: “How did it taste?”
After New Hampshire Chris Christie announced he was dropping out of the race. When asked where his career will go next Christie said he’d cross that bridge when it comes, assuming he didn’t have it shut down.
Chris Christie daydreaming about a hogi.
In sports news Super Bowl 50 was held this week. The Super Bowl turned 50, which means it’s time for it’s family to start nagging it about getting a colonoscopy.
We’ve had 50 Super Bowl’s and Peyton Manning has lost almost all of them.
Except of course this year he won! He really has had an incredible career. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with hard work, experience, and HGH.
Here’s a weird picture of Peyton Manning I’ve always wanted to share. Guess this is as good of a time as any.
In science news this week, just as Einstein predicted, gravitational waves were detected. Just as my wife predicted, I spent all week pretending to know what that meant.
In celebrity news Kendall Jenner is suing a skin care company for using her picture in ads without paying her. Kendall says that they can’t make money off of her without her permission, only her parents can do that.
Miley Cyrus revealed this week that she will be an advisor on The Voice. Rumor has it that she plans to secretly double as a contestant. #BestofBothWorlds
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